My passion is games, not only video-games, but all sorts of games. I observe the world through game mechanics, and one can say that life is a game, a kind of brutal action adventure rpg, where there is only one death and zero respaws. It could be a limitation of our perspective in life, that what happens past death is up to the imagination of individuals to have hope for continuity after death. Primary consensus is that death is final and the identity is shredded so new life has an opportunity to change the playground with fresh ideas.
Video-games are the thriving form of interactive entertainment, which has been upcoming and developed rapidly since the 70s. Corporations can have over 100 developers in a team while the 2k era is trending indie development.
I have always wanted to make video-games, but not only some games, but my designs. My passion does not lie on corporate structure, although i dont care what structure is behind a development as far as the project is healthy and developing. I have tried to do games in varied projects and in my solo projects, so far all failed. In a team i have found that if the team has no fertile synergy, or some part of the machine is malfunctioning, the project is in grave danger to fail. That is why i wont ever again take part to a development where i am not in the lead. I need a team of developers under my design and command to make my dreams true. It might sound toxic, but of course team can function normally in their pits, and i wouldnt hold people back, as long as the direction is right. Yes, i want to be a director. I have experience from lots of games and i know what game designs are boring and impotent. I even know pretty fast how to develop ideas further from existing ideas.
Case example could be making new 3d fps in Mega Man X universe using almost the same gameplay elements from Doom Eternal. With the right team and direction, the result would be glorious, and finally the Mega Man X franchise would rise from ashes in a new refreshing package. This is a primary example of professional game designing in a nutshell.
I have tried to make my own games in a solo project using high-end engine like Unreal Engine. What problems i have found is that the project wont develop fast enough, because of the need to maintain some quality. When the development is staggering, motivation is diving and development stalling. It does not make sense to make a project if it cant reach the certain quality pillars in my mind, and it is not even considered to lower standards, because that would definitely hurt my pride and unmotivate further. I would rather not to do any games if the visuals or gameplay implementations are unreachable by myself. This is why i want a team. A team is key to success and i dont want to make a game which looks like a one man job. But i dont want a team consisting unpassionate workers or some corporate climbers, and least some suit producers who have no vision whatsoever and i have to answer these people.
In short, i am not passionate enough to make a game alone. I am also allergic to people who doesnt earn my respect. Why waste life making a game alone when it would never reach certain qualities/standards. I cant program or use tools efficiently, because i guess i lack intelligence. I am also fed up with shovel working in graphics, because i have done it a lot and someone who likes to do it should do it instead of me, so i could focus on drawing horizons and big lines. Why search development team, when all resources are behind suits and corporate bureaucracy, which are irrelevant to game development. How to tell a suit about visions if he probably dont know what i am talking about. In other hand, if there is a suit in game industry who knows lots about games, why would he spare time for me, when he has rush to do his own projects.
Indie development has lots of versatility to offer to make a project, and maybe scouring the Internet would help finding right people. Am i really interested to have that much trouble to dig a bottomless pit when all the greatness that indie game development has offered is in the form of Minecraft. Do i really want to be that muppet? All i can think of is that either u go big with a professional team or stay on the sidelines playing video-games and enjoying life in its simplicity.